Caregivers and breadwinners is the right frame of reference for thinking about work-family issues as a whole, as it takes account of both straight and gay men and women in a wide variety of roles. But it feels too abstract—dare I say it, too academic—to be part of everyday conversation. Similarly, work-at-home mothers and work-at-home fathers seems too politically correct and simply does not provide the information that the questioner wants to know, rightly or wrongly, which is whether you work for pay or not. The deeper problem, of course, is that when someone asks you "what do you do," unless you tell them you work for pay they will conclude that you don't actually "do" anything. Caregiving doesn't register as an occupation, no matter how demanding and rewarding it might be. But that's a much bigger conversation for another day.
My point in raising the entire question of a vocabulary to describe men at home is to find a way to make male caregiving attractive to men—indeed to make it cool. Any term that is just a male version of a female term, like househusband instead of housewife, won't do it. It is easier for a woman to be masculine than for a man to be feminine, the gay rights movement notwithstanding. Stay-at-home father does not have that problem, but in a society that prizes dynamism and movement as much as Americans do, any label that starts with "stay" is not going to be cool. Contrast "stay at home" with "go out into the world": which would you prefer?
Read more: The Atlantic
